sadness

New found love. He is amazing.


I know I am this total and complete hopeless romantic. I am so much that I don't think the term "hopeless romantic" envelopes how much "I love LOVE".

Listen to this...you will understand.
Songs, music, even just a lyric some times brings me to tears. Yes emotions are a definite curse but some times I feel closest to God when I am crying and 100 percent vulnerable.

When you are crying, you are a bit hazy. You tend to let things in a little more. Maybe when you are crying because you are sad you don't think you could get more sad, but you were wrong! you can just keep going into this black whole of emotions until you fall asleep and wake up with a serious sinus head ache. But I don't hate that. I hate crying, yes, but I love to feel. Even if it is a "negative" emotion it is a good to feel. An overwhelming feeling that you really cant control.

I know music does that to everyone but I don't know when I feel something from a song I want to learn all the words, sing along, meet the artist, and even talk to them and find out what they were writing about. I want to feel what they felt. Some times I want to, but some times I get an overwhelming emotional connection to people that I honestly don't know and don't really want to be tied to them, yet I identify with them. I really try to keep to myself for the most part but its hard. Maybe music lets me fix to the artist on my terms.

I will give you an example of how I connect with a perfect stranger...In Orlando when me and Erik were about to leave the pool area and go get changed and ready for the night, I noticed this lady circling the pool a few times. Checking everywhere. As time passed panic arose in her and I could also feel a pull toward her fear of loosing her daughter, who we watched them playing together for the better part of the time we were there. I made Erik stay with me while I wanted to go looking for her, but refrained because the mom had called a few of the staff's attention to look for her. Finally they found her and the mom let out 2 very large and harsh cuss words, and I just started balling. I couldn't believe her reaction to almost loosing her daughter was cussing. I know not every ones key emotion is sadness or compassion like mine I was just expecting her to cry or something. I guess people handle fear and overwhelming emotions in different manners. Well of course they do, life would be full of a bunch of cry babies like me and NO ONE would like that!